The first one I will title, “Inside the Apartment, Outside The Apartment”

Inside the Apartment
After having a late start to my day, it was around 11 am. I was waiting for the shower to warm up, so the water was running. I also had my portable iPod stereo going. Then I heard a weird yipping sound and thought at first that the iPod was skipping or something. After pausing the song, I realized, no, no, it was Remy going insane with barking. Which meant, most likely, that someone had knocked on the door. Still wearing my P.J.’s, I hurried over to the door and saw a FedEx lady standing outside. Earlier that day, I had moved our bag of recyclables next to the door so I would remember to take it to the disposal room. The bag had slid down and most of the contents were all over the entrance. As I opened the door–with Remy still barking and completely freaking out, but convinced he was heroically saving my life–I had to use the door to push about 20 Coke cans out of the way. Apologizing to the lady, I signed for Josh’s iLife ’09. “It’s okay, they sound like energetic little guys,” she said. “Oh yeah, it’s just one really freaked one,” I replied with a little shame. (That’s a first–barking in such a way that sounded like TWO dogs.) Thanking her, I closed the door.

Outside the Apartment
After knocking, a FedEx lady had to wait several moments and listen to a couple of dogs’ crazy, high pitched yips. Obviously, on edge and probably stressed or underfed. Finally, the door started to open. Although it was past 11 in the morning, a woman still in her pajamas had to move what sounded like 2 dozen empty cans. She must have just woken up from last night’s party and hadn’t had a chance to clean yet.

—

“The Teague Males Talk in Their Sleep”
So Remy, as many dogs do, makes little sounds in his sleep sometimes. Almost like a chirping. Last night/this morning around 1 am, he started doing it. Josh got out of the bed and said, “Remy, Remy, it’s okay, come on in, buddy,”  and opened the door. Remy was staying put in the living room, but Josh seemed to think he was already in the room and continued to comfort him. “It’s okay, that’s a good boy,” Josh said as he got back in bed. 

“Josh, he’s fine,” I assured him.

“He was barking,” was Josh’s answer.

“No, he was just doing that thing where he makes sounds in his sleep, but he’s fine.”

After getting no answer, I suspected Josh had never really been awake. This theory was confirmed. Josh has no memory of the event.

Which means, I do believe, that man and man’s best friend were in a simultaneous state of semiconsciousness.  I may be the only one, but I find that to be an impressive bond.

Ladies and Gentleman, the winner is……
Annie! Yay, Annie!

Yes, the bags contained a scrumptious mixture of Nesquik, powdered sugar, and dry milk. Yummmm. My kids are so lucky to be in my class. Imagine, other teachers gave books. Ha! (By the way, a side note, I bought all the ingredients at our favorite store- Walmart! A SUPERwalmart. Which means I got even more lost trying to find all these random ingredients I have never bought before. (such as dry milk). And when I asked for help finding powdered sugar, the lady asked if that was a brand of sugar that perhaps Walmart doesn’t carry. Which somehow made me feel incompetent because I couldn’t describe the difference. Once again, Walmart leaves me at a loss.

And as a New Year’s Gift to everyone, I am also including some………..
Josh Talking in His Sleep Stories!

(And just so you know how dedicated I’ve become to report these, I have not only begun questioning the sleeping Josh to get more information out of him, but I also keep a notepad and pen next to the bed.)
Yes, I do that for you and here we go-

Josh fell asleep on the couch the other night. I called to him several times and asked if he was comfortable. He finally came stumbling into the room where he said, “Now, just so you know….. just so you’re not, like, shocked….” and then he stopped talking, put his head down on the pillow, and was out.

He was moving around in his sleep and completely took over my pillow. I told him he was on my side of the bed and he said, “Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie. That’s what I do when I’m really comfortable.”

About a week ago he picked his head up off the pillow and held it there for awhile. I finally asked him what was wrong. In a voice about three octaves higher than normal- we actually think he was quoting Sydney, our three year old niece- “Who-who-who-who- Who is crying?”
“What?”
(still Sydney) “I hear someone crying- who is it?”

And finally—
Josh held the covers up over his head, paused, seemed to make a decision, and dived underneath. He laid there holding the covers over his head.
“What are you doing?”
“I was told to do this.” (He sounded very firm and resolved about this.)
“Josh, you don’t have to hide.”
Unsure- “I don’t?”
“No, you don’t. “
“Oh, okay.”
At this point, I was chuckling and he got a little offended.
“Punk.”
Which only made me laugh harder. He rolled over to face away.
“Who told you to do that?”
“My brother! Okay?!?”

(Unfortunately, he ignored me after that, so we’ll never know exactly which brother.)

Around 5:30 today, Josh called to ask if I got his message about paying the rent. I hadn’t. Instant anxiety attack. Late fees at Brumby are steep. The office closes at five and today was the LAST day to pay.
Josh, playing the role of a calm male possessing common sense, asked me to run upstairs and see if someone at the office was still there and would let me pay anyway.
An attempt I was certain to be fruitless, but I’m a submitter, so I wrote the fastest check of my life,ran out the door and down the hallway.
My sense of direction is lacking, at best. It’s really bad when under pressure. First, I ran into the laundry room. Feeling rather stupid, I turned around the corner, where I then tried to open a maintenance closet.
Total panic. I had to stop in the middle of the hallway of my own building- on the floor I live, mind you- and really think about where I was.
Cautiously, I looked until I found the door clearly marked “Stairs.”
Running up them- yes, two at a time- I got to the office door.
And then there was a Christmas miracle.
The office hours on Mon-Fri were posted as 9-6.
6!
Going inside, I didn’t see anyone working, but I did hear a flush. (The guy who works in the office is ALWAYS in the bathroom.)
“What’s up?”
Trying to be casual and completely out of breath, I said “Nothing paying the rent thanks” in one run on sentence.
I then tried to make light conversation about the festive office decorations as I headed out the door, convinced he was going to tell me that too bad, the check really was late.
Going out the door, I was so happy about what had just happened, yet still not quite convinced Bathroom Guy wasn’t going to come out the door, I ran down the hall and immediately tried to open the locked door of Apt. 221.
“Oops. Uh, sorry,” I whispered to what was hopefully an empty apartment. The building got very warm as I turned around yet again to walk to the stairs door.

And…da da da daaaaaa! Josh’s Sleep Talking Stories (!!!)
Part Two

Throughout the last few nights, Josh has-

Told me I was so smart for fixing the Flash feature on his website and gave me a big hug. (The more disturbing part of the story- in the dream I was his good friend and coworker, Jeremy.)

Laughed hysterically as he repeated, “Oh, that is too good. Man, that’s funny,” over and over.

And just to be completely creepy, he woke me up whispering, “Who’s in the room with us?”
I actually checked to see before I whispered back, “No one.”
“What? Who is it?”
“There’s no one in the room. Just us.”
“Well, yeah, NOW. But who was here BEFORE?”
“No one.”
“Oh, nevermind.”

Last week, Josh and I were initiated into the adults club. We were invited to have dinner at the home of the Hebdons, friends of the Teague family. There were two tables- the kitchen table set for the kids, and the ADULT table in the dining room. Guess which one we got to sit in?

I think the only thing sadder than being excited to sit at the “big people table” was the moment when the kids asked each other if they wanted to go outside. My first first thought was that I didn’t really want to go outside. My second thought was that a sort of inner humiliation for omitting the past ten years.
The dining experience was very fun and enjoyable, even if it felt a little strange to see the kids’ table from where we were sitting. Josh and I talked on the way home about how it didn’t seem that long ago that we were considered kids.

The evening must have left a strong impression on Josh. I woke up around 4 AM that morning to listen to a five minute speech he gave in his sleep to thank the Hebdons for inviting us over. At first I was amused as I listened to him recap our previous conversation to Mr. Hebdon about the kids vs. adult table concept. But he was really grateful. I finally had to interrupt him. His argument: “I knew I was talking in my sleep, but I needed to finish in case he really was in the room.”

Bonus Josh-Does-Weird-Stuff-in-His-Sleep-Story:
The other night, Josh tried to fix the bedposts (no, they’re not broken), turned on the lights, and sat on the end of the bed playing air guitar.