Here’s possibly the first of a random compilation of some of the most humorous (and/or pitifully heartbreaking) moments yet to be experienced this year.
Here we go…..

A couple of weeks ago we were practicing our Test Behavior. The IOWA test was coming up (remember that?!?) and I was determined to get those kids trained to NOT TALK during the test. So during one of our last practices before the real thing, I was helping a student when I heard a quiet “Uh, Mrs. Teague?” to which I whirled around and gave this student The Look. Which was followed by, “Honey, if that happens again, you know you’ll have to pull a card, right?” “Yes, Ma’am.” “Okay, then. Raise your hand and I’ll call on you in a minute.” Two minutes later, I turned around to address the said student’s question and realized she was holding a handful of her own noseblood.
How none of it got on her spiritwear t-shirt is beyond my comprehension.

We were working on thank you notes to our local police station for Public Safety Week. Then this conversation happened.
Student: “Mrs. Teague, my dad’s been in jail before.”
Me (smoothly nonchalant) : “oh?”
Student: “Yeah, my mom called the police. They had a fight….they’re not married anymore.”*
(This story doesn’t sound funny at all, but you have to understand that the child said it completely matter of factly and as if this happens all the time. I was also acting like this happens all the time. The other kids who overheard had their jaws on the ground, but myself and this kid, we were cool, man.)

A student walked over to my table to show me a Presidential Biography book.
“Mrs. Teague, I know who this book is about.”
“Who?”
“George Washington.”
“You’re right.”
“I miss him…he was a good President.”

I was grading a piece of writing which included a family trip to Goody’s, where her father “bought a white beeder.”

The new girl came to school with a note from her mom, who was concerned that another student was “making fun of her.”
I brought that student up to the Teacher’s Desk, and she very calmly explained to me that she hadn’t meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. I told her to turn to the new student and say exactly to her what she told me. The student immediately broke down crying. Guilt? Shame? I’ll never really know.
This is about the third time I’ve made a student cry this year. Another incident included a student who swears he was NOT the one throwing his sandwhich on the ground in the cafeteria. (Despite eyewitness accounts.)
The third time was when a student scribbled all over her paper with a highlighter and I asked her not to do that again.

There’s one student in my class who will raise his hand everyday and wait for five minutes during breakfast time until I call on him. And everyday all he wants to tell me is, “I don’t want my milk.” Every. Day. I tell him to go ahead and throw it away and he doesn’t have to check. Doesn’t matter. It happens everyday.

I also want to take this opportunity to mention that I have one of the lowest of the Low Talkers ever known to mankind in my class this year. Not only that, she also wants to answer every question. Most class discussions end up like this.
Me “What do you think?” (or some other teacher question)
Low Talker raises her hand. I make a mental sigh, prepare and call on her.
Low Talker whispers inaudibly.
Me: “What?”
Whisper repeats but does not increase in volume.
Me: “I’m sorry hon, I canNOT hear you.”
More whispers, still much too quiet to understand.
Me:”Uh, okay, say it one more time for me?”

At this point, one of two things happen. The kids around her interrupt our little game out of exasperation and tell me what she said OR, I yell at her “SAY IT REALLY LOUD….REALLY LOUD….LOUDER THAN THAT…oh, yes you can use the restroom.”
It’s gotten so bad I’m making a point to bring it up at conferences tomorrow.

I will say this the second year has been MUCH, MUCH, calmer and generally more productive than last. Praise God!! I DO like this job!

Comments (6)

(a Betta fish, in this case)

10. While practicing democracy, when the class was allowed to vote on names (suggested by classmates), the runners up are Rosy, Blue, and Kim. (It’s a blue fish. Not sure how Rosy was such a popular vote.) The winning name- King.*
9. The kids ask daily, “Is it a girl fish or a boy fish?” and are not satisfied with “whichever you want.” Even after being declared a boy fish, the students still take a daily, independent vote when they think teacher is not watching.
8. If teacher forgets to say, “Good Morning, King” after announcements, she is quickly reminded by at least two volunteers.
6. While building Classroom Community and practicing the delicate arts of complimenting, one child requests to give King a compliment. Said request granted, and ten more hands shoot up into the air. (The class appears to think King’s strengths include being a good swimmer and a good friend)
5. While playing Name Bingo during same said Community Time, students request to know why King’s name is missing from the Bingo cards containing the class roster.
4. At the end of the day, students are encouraged to remember the day’s activities and finish the sentence, “I had a great day because…..” Everyday, one student will wave hand enthusiastically and when called on, (by a teacher thinking, “Oh! They really had a great day for some reason! I must be a great teacher!”) will ask to go see King for a minute. Another hand up. Eventual mass exodus by class to fish bowl as they wait for their bus to be called.
3. The aforesaid Exodus to the fish bowl is the only time the shyest student in class will actually raise his hand to ask a question. Imagine a child who says very little all day whispering, “May I go see the fish?” with bright and hopeful eyes.
2. During silent reading time, students request to read to King. By some strange miracle from heaven, the fish actually swims to the edge of the bowl to look at the pictures as the kids turn the pages.
1. And finally, the #1 Reason you know your classroom is too attached to their pet:
On the way to the bus ramp last Friday, the students were very concerned that their teacher was leaving King alone for the WHOLE WEEKEND with NO FOOD. Stories of pet fish deaths ineveitably to follow throughout the remainder of the five minute bus ramp walk.

*The rejected fish name suggestions that nobody voted for except the one kid who thought of it: Becca, Rebecca (two friends suggesting names one after another here), Nemo and Roofoos.

Comments (7)

During our unit on plants, the students planted seeds in cups (remember that?) and wrote in their plant journals their observations. Here’s some of the highlights. Consider all mistakes to be (SIC). (What does that stand for, anyway?)

The Enthusiastic Student

Date: 4/28
It’s grown a little bit. It’s very little. It’s only green yet.

Date: 5/2
My plant has grown alot. But it hasn’t grown it’s flower part yet.

Date: 5/3
My plant has a lot more than before. And I think it is going to be beautiful when it is done growing.

5/8
My plant really giant! I love it!
(Sketch on back cover: I love plants!)

The Paranoid Student

4/28
The plant is green it was going to die but I put some water in it thanks godnes it didn’t die

5/1
My plant is grown now Im happy My plant has grow because Mrs. Teague is so nice.

5/2
My plant is amost dieind but I water it in I think is not going to died becase I water it.

5/4
My plant died I think because Julie push it in up came my plant Im sad that I think is died.

5/5
My plant died because it not strong someone could brake it Im sad becase it died

5/6
My plant is grown Im so so so happy that my plant did not died

The Student You Just Want to Hug

5/28
It is growing and it is looking bueatyful and it has two leave.

5/2
I think my plant is growing a lot.

5/3
I fiel happy it ok if my plant ripped.

5/4
I feel mine is growing a lot.

5/5 I think mine is really growing.

5/8
My plant died.

Comments (2)

I’ve told Josh to put a post up about this, because people have been asking how it’s been since he left his job. However, Josh has been slightly preoccupied lately.
So I’ll do it.
Josh left his job to do personal projects over the summer until he starts back at Tech in the fall.
It’s been WONDERFUL.

There are so many unforeseen benefits to having a husband who works at home. For starters, the apartment is clean all the time. It’s so convenient. He also folds laundry, does the dishes AND the other night I came home to dinner on the stove. He’d picked up a delicious ravioli recipe while watching Everyday Italian on his lunch break!
I think another thing that I love is that he’s working in an apartment that’s about five minutes away from my school. Which means I know I can call him to bring me anything I forgot. I haven’t had to yet, but the knowledge that I can makes me feel so free.
And finally, I can ask him to come in to school for special occasions. For example, this Friday I asked him to come in to watch our first performance of a Readers Theater. 2F was performing Lights, Camera, Pollination! and the promise of a Special Guest always motivates.As it turned out, Jorge was absent. So not only was Mr. Teague our Special Guest, but he also had to read the part of the bee.

I will say that I’m very proud of Josh- he’s gotten an amazing amount of work done. He’s much more disciplined about actually working than I would be in his position. Go, Bee!

Comments (2)

Today I was sitting in a Starbucks grading papers. We’ve been learning about writing friendly letters in 2nd grade, and my students were assigned a classmate to write a letter to. They had to follow the outlines of a letter, including heading, greeting, closing, etc. Here’s some of the letters that caused a little concern for Josh and I. Though we did also have a laugh or two. See if you can find the comment that might make it on the news if left unchecked. (Punctuation, spelling and capitalization as given.)

February 7th, 2006

Dear Jill*

How are you Doing today? are you feel go today? How old are you? are you eight? What is youy mother name? Becusase my mother name is Susan and my mother is nise and How Do your Body lookes? and Do you Have good friend? and Do you have a sither

love from Patrick

Feb. 7th, 2006

Dear Mepali,

I like your hair. I like your clothes. I like your shoes. How old are you? What color are you? Everyday I like how you come in and have a great happy smile. You are very nice. For a indian you are very smart. I really like having a friend like Mepali.

Love your friend,
Molly

*Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

Comments (2)