-New Year, new class, new stories…

After one student was told he had to miss some recess because he was giggling and bouncing around on the carpet, he asked for a chance to explain. His justification for the disruptive scene?

“Ricky and Vanessa told me there was a booger on the rug.”

–While playing a spelling game, I was trying a little too hard to enunciate the spelling word, a little spit flew right out of my mouth. (So embarrassing for all involved.) It landed right on the cheek of the kid next to me, who was clearly startled and digusted. But at the same time, determined. He didn’t hesitate as he spelled the entire word with his eyes shut, wiping the spit away.

–There’s a lady who works in the front office named Ms. Peek. I never realized how much my name sounds like hers until they announced her birthday over the PA. “Wish Ms. Peek a Happy Birthday today!” Half my class obediently responded, “Happy Birthday” while looking at me with a collective expression of “You didn’t tell us it was your birthday.”

As the day continued, I got about 20 more birthday wishes…many from kids I’ve never taught.

–I have a fairly strong vein of dishonesty from students this year.

Harrison had blue markings on his jeans, obviously from crayons. When asked if he had colored himself that day, he said no, he did that at home. Even after another student presented me with broken crayons the exact color and length of the marks on his jeans, he still denied.

Any conversation where Al is asked to confirm or deny some accusation goes something like this.

Me: “Did you kick Kim?”

A: “No, I was just walking.”

Me: “How?”

A: “Like this.” Shows how he kicked his legs up with each step.

or….

Me: “Did you hit John?”

A: “No, I was just walking. With my eyes closed.”

Me: “But did you hit him with your hand?”

A:” I was walking with my eyes closed doing this- ” (swings arms out and upward.)

–As Dan ran into class from the library, sort of making a noise like an excited puppy, I asked him to go out and try it again. The second time he was composed and calm. “Now that’s how a gentleman wal-” I was interrupted as he belched loudly.

–During a conversation with a parent, I got off the phone to let her talk with her son. Needless to say, I don’t interrupt the day to call a parent unless I have reached The Point. I often sound more upset that I intend to when I reach The Point.

When the student handed the phone back to me, I politely, casually said, “Hello?”

She asked, “How are you today?”

So I made a valient effort to compose myself and say that even though we’d made some bad choices, we were going to hopefully make a change for the better, thanks for asking, I had tried several other methods that day and none of them had worked, and I really appreciate her talking to him, he seems calmer now..”

Pause. “Is this still the teacher?”

Somehow I had been transferred back to the receptionist.

–Somewhere in the book of Early Education Etiquette, when a child is being silly, leaning over to look under his desk, or perhaps seeing how well he can balance sitting on one foot, or thinking they are stealth enough to have a conversation with another student without the teacher noticing, and the said child falls completely out of the chair, looking incredibly silly, SOMEWHERE, it says that the child must jump up and say, “I’m okay!” much louder than he meant to.
And everyone tries to watch while not appearing to be watching. We also try very hard not to laugh because the students don’t want to flip behavior cards and the teacher doesn’t want to be a jerk. This period of silence lasts….really, as long as the teacher allows it to before providing a distraction.

–Once when this happened, the painful silence was broken by my little cheer leader of a student, whose small voice piped up, “At least you didn’t fall on your pencil.”

–Finally… this is so, so bad. Just BAD….

I was walking in the freshly waxed hallway, leading my little line, all confident as I guide them through the halls..and one might argue through life…when my boot heel hit the floor a little farther left than it was supposed to. I felt that stomach dropping feeling as my center of gravity was thrown off, and flailed my arms out ever so slightly (The Etiquette requires that I try at all odds NOT to fall, since I am a teacher and CANNOT be laughed at).

I did catch hold of the Line Leader….her PONYTAIL. I was about to fall and I took hold of the first thing I could find to break my fall- some innocent girl’s cute little innocent PONYTAIL. I felt instant hope clash with horror as my brain processed what my hand had grabbed hold of…

Thankfully, I managed to right myself before taking both of us down. But not before a fellow teacher saw the whole thing happen with a look of total horror. (And she even made a comment about it. Second graders know more about Etiquette than your own colleagues sometimes.)

Hello, Friends. I do realize that this blog has been completely forsaken, so I’m going to tell the only things I have to tell…which are more classroom anecdotes. Consider this your fair warning if you’re tired of them- that’s all you’ll find here. =)

After trying to explain who our Ast. Principal is, I had to refer to her outfit before they realized who I was talking about. Which led to a discussion/comparison of her outfit to my outfit.

“Okay, wait, do you want to talk about my outfit, or do you want to hear the compliment our Ast. Principal gave you?”

Of course they chose compliment. After going on for about five minutes to pass on the aforementioned compliment, Ed raised his hand.

“Now can we talk about your outfit?”

Trying to get the kids thinking about impossible (for our grade, since we don’t quite do negatives) math problems, I asked, “If I had five dollars and Bill asked me for 7 dollars, then…”
Student pipes up, “Then you’d be broke.”

This crazy day began after praying and hoping I would wake up and get to school early to get the week started off well. I was proud of myself when I rolled into the school at 7:20- ten whole minutes early. Excellent for Monday morning.
I had a long mental list of things to do and was feeling like I may get them all done in the 20 minutes I had before the students arrived- and then I saw the fish tank.

King has passed. And let it suffice to say- it was very obvious very quickly that he was very dead.

Thus, a major shift in priorities as instead of making homework packets and centers, I realized I had to get rid of the body before the kids saw and were even more traumatized.

So I grabbed the bowl and ran into the teacher’s bathroom. I took the plastic plant out (ew, ew) and tried to ….pour him….. out into the toilet. The only thing that fell out was a large plastic rock.

First things first. I weighed the option of calling the custodian, but I thought by the time I explained and asked for some kind of scoop or something, too much precious time would have passed. Plus, he would have made fun of me the rest of the year.

I did notice that the water was very bubbly….he’d obviously just cleaned the toilets- the one lucky break in this story- so I rolled up my sleeve and went for it before I could change my germophobic mind.

Plumbing issue avoided. Back to the fish.

The water level in the fishbowl was too low and King sank in between the other plastic rocks. There was no way to pour him out without all the rocks falling out with him. So I did the logical thing and grabbed a handful of paper towels, put them on the floor in a heap and dumped all the remaining contents. I then attempted to cut off all synapse connections as I plucked the plastic rocks away from the discolored bit of flesh until only the fish lay stiffly on the now soaked paper towels.

With only minutes remaining, I picked up the dripping mess, dumped the fish, flushed, tried to sop up the small lake I had formed on the floor, sprayed some sort of antiseptic around the entire room, and washed my hands with as much soap as seemed reasonable given the circumstances.

I then ran back to the classroom, hid the bowl, and decided to wait until the right moment to break the news.

Only the thing is, I had two conferences today and in the sprint to prepare for those, forgot to mention it. “It” being the permanent loss of class mascot and continuous writing inspiration.

I’ll let you know if they don’t take the news so well…

And yet some more…

When I asked Vaughn if his parents signed his permission form to be in the school play, I got a small insight into their family.
“My dad said I can’t do it.”
“Oh, okay.”
“But my mom said she wants me to.”
“Oh.”
“My mama told me that she’d be mad at him if he don’t let me. She said I’m a play-actor!”
“Ah.”

One of the student’s mothers told me she walked by her son who was standing at attention. When asked what he was doing, he told her he was practicing for the holiday performance. He explained that he had to practice standing for a very long time.
I knew we were drilling too much during those rehearsals.

The kids participate in this computerized reading program where they’re always asking me to look up their scores and points. It takes forever to pull up a student’s information because you have to open all these windows and click on numerous icons. So imagine what it was like when I was looking up one student’s particular score and she stood over my shoulder and narrarated the entire time.
“Yes, now click that…very good, okay…right go over there…no, yes, i meant there….yup, click that…very good…yes, I was going to say to click right there..”
The only thing is that she was about two beats behind the whole time. Kinda like the delay at a football stadium when the referee is talking.

Sometimes I turn around and trip over a student who has been standing there the past five minutes. They don’t even try to get my attention by actually saying something. This was the case yesterday when I turned and was a little startled because Jen was standing at ready with an uncapped glue stick aimed right towards my nose. She also had a positively thrilled look on her face.
“Mrs. Teague! It smells like cheerios!”
And dadgum, it did.

As part of our Elected Officials lesson, the students were told to describe the characteristics of a good leader. One group (made entirely of girls) decided a princess made a perfect kind of leader. Her desirable characteristic? “Pretty.”
Then they illustrated the life sized drawing (yes, a kid laid down on butcher paper and was outlined. Oldie but goodie.)
I noticed the shirt was about a foot away from the skirt.
“Ladies, that shirt seems a little short.”
“Oh, it’s okay, we’re going to draw a belly button.”

Minutes before dismissal, a cell phone went off in class. Yup, a CELL PHONE. I was ready to pounce on someone but everyone seemed shocked. When I narrowed it down to one of two possible bookbags, both girls were white-faced. Finally finding the guilty bookbag, I pulled out a pink phone from Lynn’s bag. She was horrified and said her mom must have put it in there.
A story which may be valid because when it rang again and I answered it her mother thought mistook me for Lynn and started talking to me. In Spanish.
I had to get a bilinguil student on the phone to explain that Lynn can’t have a cell phone in school. (This was interesting because as always when 2nd graders translate, there’s a lot of “what did you tell me to say?”)

And my current favorite:
Remember the loner student who asked what color the man was? (see Part 1)
Unfortunately, he slipped into a spiral of being even more withdrawn. To the point where he couldn’t even be bribed to work with a partner. He wrote notes to me requesting that he work alone. He preferred to nod or shake his head as communication. He never talked louder than a hoarse whisper. The other students are patient and understanding, and have learned not to expect very much- verbally- from him.
That’s all backstory, all of it.

Then yesterday…
The drama club was having an open casting call for the spring play. I explained that if they couldn’t stand up on their chair and shout out, “Welcome to our show, everyone!” then they may want to try out next year. Cruel, it seems. I know. Some of the kids were able and willing, some realized they were shy and changed their mind about trying out.

Guess who raised his hand?
“Oh..hmm..honey, do you think you stand on your chair and-”

As I was still talking, he climbed right up and let his line ring out in a strong, clear voice, “Hey everyone! And welcome to our show!!”

There was a silence. The room tilted as my brain tried to process what had just happened. My mouth was still open when the classroom spontaneously and unanimously burst into applause. (I think, though I’m not certain, someone even shouted “Bravo”)

My very own Dead Poets’ Society. I have arrived.

I don’t know if I was just too frazzled last year to notice any humor, or if my former students were simply less interesting. But I find myself laughing (or trying not to, depending on the situation) a lot more this year. Here’s a few more classroom stories if you’d like to read on…

I noticed a student rapping the Pledge of Allegiance while the rest of the class was reciting it. Complete with hand gestures, pounding his chest, and giving props to the flag. If it helps to have a mental picture, he’s a chubby little Hispanic boy who I believe had the sincerest intentions.

During Community Time, one boy was telling an elaborate story of a church event that took place at the Marietta Diner. He went into great detail about the food that was served, how many people from his church showed up, and how long the table was. He even made a point about how the waiter was surprised to see so many people. (“He saw our table and he was like, ‘Whoa!’ “) He’s a natural entertainer, and the kids were completely into it. When it was time for other students to ask questions, one boy raised his hand. I was thrilled because he’s extremely shy. Thus began the following conversation.
“What color was the man?”
Long pause. You could see the wheels turning in the story teller’s head. He gave up.
“Excuse me?”
“What color was the man?”
“Uh….you mean the waiter?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Um……” (At this point, I thought maybe I should intervene, but I’m ashamed to say, I was curious about the answer.)
“Well, he had a gray shirt with a picture of a red truck, a red hat, dark hair, kinda tan skin….”

I decided to be ambitious and looked for a class set of a chapter book to read with one of my reading groups. Most of them hadn’t read a chapter book yet and I knew they’d be excited. I flipped through the first couple of chapters of Stone Fox. It seemed like a good choice. For days, the students read through the chapters. We were doing all sorts of activities with this story. Character analysis, motivation, author’s purpose, the works. It was quite the investment of time and energy.
The last day, we were short on time, so I decided to read the last chapter aloud so we’d have time to finish the book.
I don’t know how familiar you are with the book Stone Fox. It’s about Little Willy and his dog Searchligh who entered a race to save Grandfather’s farm with the prize money. Classic plot. The first eight chapters had been very sweet and uplifting.
So I’m reading through the final chapter. Little Willy and Searchlight are nearing the end of the race. The competitor is right behind and gaining. I’m trying to build the anticipation by practically yelling as I read,
” ‘ Go, Searchlight, go!’ Little Willy yelled. Searchlight went faster and faster, and then, ten feet away from the finish line, her heart burst…… She died instantly. There was no….suffering.”
Always, always read the ending of a story before you share it with 7 year olds.*

I thought the kids were finally over the King the Fish obsession. I was cleaning his bowl while they were at art. When I refilled it, the water seemed really cold, so I left him in a little cup on my desk, assuming the kids wouldn’t notice. We only had about 20 minutes until dismissal.
The “line leader” came in the room, immediately came back to me and asked, “Where’s King?”

The kids have this weird, weird thing about touching my shoes whenever they’re sitting on the carpet. And not just one weird kid or two. It’s half the class. I never thought I would stop a lesson to whisper, “Please stop touching my shoe.” Then a moment later in a firmer whisper, “Sweetie, STOP touching my shoe.”

On the way back from a field trip, I had to fill out a form evaluating the bus driver and her performance. My seat partner was watching me as I filled it out. When I got to the comments section she asked, “what’s that mean?”
“It’s where I can say nice things about a bus driver.”
Pause.
“How about ‘she’s very pretty.’ “

During a lesson on symmetry, I drew a heart and split it across with a horizontal line. The goal was to show how if I erased the top half of the heart and drew its mirrored image on the other side of the line, it wasn’t the same shape as the pointed bottom half. (Thus disqualifying as a symmetrical line.)
The outcome is that I accidentally drew what looked like part of the female anatomy and had to erase it quickly as the new student started giggling.

*We felt so bad about Searchlight’s COMPLETELY unanticipated death that we wrote chapters of our own where she miraculously comes back to life.

Here’s possibly the first of a random compilation of some of the most humorous (and/or pitifully heartbreaking) moments yet to be experienced this year.
Here we go…..

A couple of weeks ago we were practicing our Test Behavior. The IOWA test was coming up (remember that?!?) and I was determined to get those kids trained to NOT TALK during the test. So during one of our last practices before the real thing, I was helping a student when I heard a quiet “Uh, Mrs. Teague?” to which I whirled around and gave this student The Look. Which was followed by, “Honey, if that happens again, you know you’ll have to pull a card, right?” “Yes, Ma’am.” “Okay, then. Raise your hand and I’ll call on you in a minute.” Two minutes later, I turned around to address the said student’s question and realized she was holding a handful of her own noseblood.
How none of it got on her spiritwear t-shirt is beyond my comprehension.

A student walked over to my table to show me a Presidential Biography book.
“Mrs. Teague, I know who this book is about.”
“Who?”
“George Washington.”
“You’re right.”
“I miss him…he was a good President.”

The new girl came to school with a note from her mom, who was concerned that another student was “making fun of her.”
I brought that student up to the Teacher’s Desk, and she very calmly explained to me that she hadn’t meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. I told her to turn to the new student and say exactly to her what she told me. The student immediately broke down crying. Guilt? Shame? I’ll never really know.
This is about the third time I’ve made a student cry this year.

There’s one student in my class who will raise his hand everyday and wait for five minutes during breakfast time until I call on him. And everyday all he wants to tell me is, “I don’t want my milk.” Every. Day. I tell him to go ahead and throw it away and he doesn’t have to check. Doesn’t matter. It happens everyday.

I also want to take this opportunity to mention that I have one of the lowest of the Low Talkers ever known to mankind in my class this year. Not only that, she also wants to answer every question. Most class discussions end up like this.
Me “What do you think?” (or some other teacher question)
Low Talker raises her hand. I make a mental sigh, prepare and call on her.
Low Talker whispers inaudibly.
Me: “What?”
Whisper repeats but does not increase in volume.
Me: “I’m sorry hon, I canNOT hear you.”
More whispers, still much too quiet to understand.
Me:”Uh, okay, say it one more time for me?”

At this point, one of two things happen. The kids around her interrupt our little game out of exasperation and tell me what she said OR, I yell at her “SAY IT REALLY LOUD….REALLY LOUD….LOUDER THAN THAT…oh, yes you can use the restroom.”
It’s gotten so bad I’m making a point to bring it up at conferences tomorrow.

I will say this the second year has been MUCH, MUCH, calmer and generally more productive than last. Praise God!! I DO like this job!

(a Betta fish, in this case)

10. While practicing democracy, when the class was allowed to vote on names (suggested by classmates), the runners up are Rosy, Blue, and Kim. (It’s a blue fish. Not sure how Rosy was such a popular vote.) The winning name- King.*
9. The kids ask daily, “Is it a girl fish or a boy fish?” and are not satisfied with “whichever you want.” Even after being declared a boy fish, the students still take a daily, independent vote when they think teacher is not watching.
8. If teacher forgets to say, “Good Morning, King” after announcements, she is quickly reminded by at least two volunteers.
6. While building Classroom Community and practicing the delicate arts of complimenting, one child requests to give King a compliment. Said request granted, and ten more hands shoot up into the air. (The class appears to think King’s strengths include being a good swimmer and a good friend)
5. While playing Name Bingo during same said Community Time, students request to know why King’s name is missing from the Bingo cards containing the class roster.
4. At the end of the day, students are encouraged to remember the day’s activities and finish the sentence, “I had a great day because…..” Everyday, one student will wave hand enthusiastically and when called on, (by a teacher thinking, “Oh! They really had a great day for some reason! I must be a great teacher!”) will ask to go see King for a minute. Another hand up. Eventual mass exodus by class to fish bowl as they wait for their bus to be called.
3. The aforesaid Exodus to the fish bowl is the only time the shyest student in class will actually raise his hand to ask a question. Imagine a child who says very little all day whispering, “May I go see the fish?” with bright and hopeful eyes.
2. During silent reading time, students request to read to King. By some strange miracle from heaven, the fish actually swims to the edge of the bowl to look at the pictures as the kids turn the pages.
1. And finally, the #1 Reason you know your classroom is too attached to their pet:
On the way to the bus ramp last Friday, the students were very concerned that their teacher was leaving King alone for the WHOLE WEEKEND with NO FOOD. Stories of pet fish deaths ineveitably to follow throughout the remainder of the five minute bus ramp walk.

*The rejected fish name suggestions that nobody voted for except the one kid who thought of it: Becca, Rebecca (two friends suggesting names one after another here), Nemo and Roofoos.

During our unit on plants, the students planted seeds in cups (remember that?) and wrote in their plant journals their observations. Here’s some of the highlights. Consider all mistakes to be (SIC). (What does that stand for, anyway?)

The Enthusiastic Student

Date: 4/28
It’s grown a little bit. It’s very little. It’s only green yet.

Date: 5/2
My plant has grown alot. But it hasn’t grown it’s flower part yet.

Date: 5/3
My plant has a lot more than before. And I think it is going to be beautiful when it is done growing.

5/8
My plant really giant! I love it!
(Sketch on back cover: I love plants!)

The Paranoid Student

4/28
The plant is green it was going to die but I put some water in it thanks godnes it didn’t die

5/1
My plant is grown now Im happy My plant has grow because Mrs. Teague is so nice.

5/2
My plant is amost dieind but I water it in I think is not going to died becase I water it.

5/4
My plant died I think because Julie push it in up came my plant Im sad that I think is died.

5/5
My plant died because it not strong someone could brake it Im sad becase it died

5/6
My plant is grown Im so so so happy that my plant did not died

The Student You Just Want to Hug

5/28
It is growing and it is looking bueatyful and it has two leave.

5/2
I think my plant is growing a lot.

5/3
I fiel happy it ok if my plant ripped.

5/4
I feel mine is growing a lot.

5/5 I think mine is really growing.

5/8
My plant died.

I’ve told Josh to put a post up about this, because people have been asking how it’s been since he left his job. However, Josh has been slightly preoccupied lately.
So I’ll do it.
Josh left his job to do personal projects over the summer until he starts back at Tech in the fall.
It’s been WONDERFUL.

There are so many unforeseen benefits to having a husband who works at home. For starters, the apartment is clean all the time. It’s so convenient. He also folds laundry, does the dishes AND the other night I came home to dinner on the stove. He’d picked up a delicious ravioli recipe while watching Everyday Italian on his lunch break!
I think another thing that I love is that he’s working in an apartment that’s about five minutes away from my school. Which means I know I can call him to bring me anything I forgot. I haven’t had to yet, but the knowledge that I can makes me feel so free.
And finally, I can ask him to come in to school for special occasions. For example, this Friday I asked him to come in to watch our first performance of a Readers Theater. 2F was performing Lights, Camera, Pollination! and the promise of a Special Guest always motivates.As it turned out, Jorge was absent. So not only was Mr. Teague our Special Guest, but he also had to read the part of the bee.

I will say that I’m very proud of Josh- he’s gotten an amazing amount of work done. He’s much more disciplined about actually working than I would be in his position. Go, Bee!

Ladies and Gentleman, the winner is……
Annie! Yay, Annie!

Yes, the bags contained a scrumptious mixture of Nesquik, powdered sugar, and dry milk. Yummmm. My kids are so lucky to be in my class. Imagine, other teachers gave books. Ha! (By the way, a side note, I bought all the ingredients at our favorite store- Walmart! A SUPERwalmart. Which means I got even more lost trying to find all these random ingredients I have never bought before. (such as dry milk). And when I asked for help finding powdered sugar, the lady asked if that was a brand of sugar that perhaps Walmart doesn’t carry. Which somehow made me feel incompetent because I couldn’t describe the difference. Once again, Walmart leaves me at a loss.

And as a New Year’s Gift to everyone, I am also including some………..
Josh Talking in His Sleep Stories!

(And just so you know how dedicated I’ve become to report these, I have not only begun questioning the sleeping Josh to get more information out of him, but I also keep a notepad and pen next to the bed.)
Yes, I do that for you and here we go-

Josh fell asleep on the couch the other night. I called to him several times and asked if he was comfortable. He finally came stumbling into the room where he said, “Now, just so you know….. just so you’re not, like, shocked….” and then he stopped talking, put his head down on the pillow, and was out.

He was moving around in his sleep and completely took over my pillow. I told him he was on my side of the bed and he said, “Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie. That’s what I do when I’m really comfortable.”

About a week ago he picked his head up off the pillow and held it there for awhile. I finally asked him what was wrong. In a voice about three octaves higher than normal- we actually think he was quoting Sydney, our three year old niece- “Who-who-who-who- Who is crying?”
“What?”
(still Sydney) “I hear someone crying- who is it?”

And finally—
Josh held the covers up over his head, paused, seemed to make a decision, and dived underneath. He laid there holding the covers over his head.
“What are you doing?”
“I was told to do this.” (He sounded very firm and resolved about this.)
“Josh, you don’t have to hide.”
Unsure- “I don’t?”
“No, you don’t. “
“Oh, okay.”
At this point, I was chuckling and he got a little offended.
“Punk.”
Which only made me laugh harder. He rolled over to face away.
“Who told you to do that?”
“My brother! Okay?!?”

(Unfortunately, he ignored me after that, so we’ll never know exactly which brother.)

I always joked with my friends before I got married that once I moved back to the suburbs that I’d start attending a local school’s PTA meetings because thats just what seemed like the logical, suburb-living person should do. It would seem funny, you see, because I would neither be a parent or a teacher upon first moving to the area. Well, then I married an elementary school teacher. And as of last night, I can proudly say that I did attend my first PTA meeting.

I went to visit Lauren at her school before the parents started showing up for what I thought was Open House night. I scurried my way through the insanely packed parking lot, fighting off minivan after minivan and eventually had to park on the bus route. Bus routes! Yes :) !!

I walked through the double doors at the entry (ahhh . . . there’s that smell) and looked to my left into the lunchroom to see a host of people sitting in chairs, with rather important-looking people up on stage, and all the faculty and staff standing up along the walls. I walked in thinking “Hey, this is the beginning of Open House, sweet I’m here.” Only to realize that I had walked in on my first PTA meeting. It was like I infiltrated a secret society — thats the way i felt. I always heard about this growing up, but never imagined what it must be like.

Thankfully I spotted Lauren on the opposite wall where I was and made my way over to see her. After the presentations were all over, we walked back to her classroom so she could meet the family that had come for the actual open house event.

I decided to leave so she could get alone time with the visiting parents, thus forcing me to the end of the hallway where a few nervous looking teachers standing outside their doors thought I was a parent of one of their students.

A nervous head-down “He-hello” quick eye glance and I’m gone!

Phew!