-New Year, new class, new stories…

After one student was told he had to miss some recess because he was giggling and bouncing around on the carpet, he asked for a chance to explain. His justification for the disruptive scene?

“Ricky and Vanessa told me there was a booger on the rug.”

–The class was working with the number 65 and trying to think of all the ways we could show that number, a student asked me if I was 65. Years old. It’s normal for a teacher to help a student reason and rethink, and to support all efforts at creativity. But I gave him a cool stare and responded with a short “No.”

–While playing a spelling game, I was trying a little too hard to enunciate the spelling word, a little spit flew right out of my mouth. (So embarrassing for all involved.) It landed right on the cheek of the kid next to me, who was clearly startled and digusted. But at the same time, determined. He didn’t hesitate as he spelled the entire word with his eyes shut, wiping the spit away.

–There’s a lady who works in the front office named Ms. Peek. I never realized how much my name sounds like hers until they announced her birthday over the PA. “Wish Ms. Peek a Happy Birthday today!” Half my class obediently responded, “Happy Birthday” while looking at me with a collective expression of “You didn’t tell us it was your birthday.”

As the day continued, I got about 20 more birthday wishes…many from kids I’ve never taught.

–I have a fairly strong vein of dishonesty from students this year.

Exhibit A: Harrison had blue markings on his jeans, obviously from crayons. When asked if he had colored himself that day, he said no, he did that at home. After another student presented me with broken crayons the exact color and length of the marks on his jeans, he still denied.

Exhibit B: Darnell often tries to tell me about his brothers. (He’s an only child.)

Me: ” What’s your big brother’s name?”

D: ” Big Boy.”

Me: “That would be a nickname. What’s his real name?”

D: “Martin.

Me: “What about your little brother?”

D: “Tiny.”

Me: “And what’s his real name?”

D: “________. Martin?”

Exhibit C: Any conversation where Al is asked to confirm or deny some accusation.

Me: “Did you kick Kim?”

A: “No, I was just walking.”

Me: “How?”

A: “Like this.” Shows how he kicked his legs up with each step.

or….

Me: “Did you hit John?”

A: “No, I was just walking. With my eyes closed.”

Me: “But did you hit him with your hand?”

A:” I was walking with my eyes closed doing this- ” (swings arms out and upward.)

–As Dan ran into class from the library, sort of making a noise like an excited puppy, I asked him to go out and try it again. The second time he was composed and calm. “Now that’s how a gentleman wal-” I was interrupted as he belched loudly.

–During a conversation with a parent, I got off the phone to let her talk with her son. Needless to say, I don’t interrupt the day to call a parent unless I have reached The Point. I often sound more upset that I intend to when I reach The Point.

When the student handed the phone back to me, I politely, casually said, “Hello?”

She asked, “How are you today?”

So I made a valient effort to compose myself and say that even though we’d made some bad choices, we were going to hopefully make a change for the better, thanks for asking, I had tried several other methods that day and none of them had worked, and I really appreciate her talking to him, he seems calmer now..”

Pause. “Is this still the teacher?”

Somehow I had been transferred back to the receptionist.

–Somewhere in the book of Early Education Etiquette, when a child is being silly, leaning over to look under his desk, or perhaps seeing how well he can balance sitting on one foot, or thinking they are stealth enough to have a conversation with another student without the teacher noticing, and the said child falls completely out of the chair, looking incredibly silly, SOMEWHERE, it says that the child must jump up and say, “I’m okay!” much louder than he meant to.
And everyone tries to watch while not appearing to be watching. We also try very hard not to laugh because the students don’t want to flip behavior cards and the teacher doesn’t want to be a jerk. This period of silence lasts….really, as long as the teacher allows it to before providing a distraction.

–Once when this happened, the painful silence was broken by my little cheer leader of a student, whose small voice piped up, “At least you didn’t fall on your pencil.”

–Finally… this is so, so bad. Just BAD….

I was walking in the freshly waxed hallway, leading my little line, all confident as I guide them through the halls..and one might argue through life…when my boot heel hit the floor a little farther left than it was supposed to. I felt that stomach dropping feeling as my center of gravity was thrown off, and flailed my arms out ever so slightly (The Etiquette requires that I try at all odds NOT to fall, since I am a teacher and CANNOT be laughed at).

I did catch hold of the Line Leader….her PONYTAIL. I was about to fall and I took hold of the first thing I could find to break my fall- some innocent girl’s cute little innocent PONYTAIL. I felt instant hope clash with horror as my brain processed what my hand had grabbed hold of…

Thankfully, I managed to right myself before taking both of us down. But not before a fellow teacher saw the whole thing happen with a look of total horror. (And she even made a comment about it. Second graders know more about Etiquette than your own colleagues sometimes.)