I don’t know if I was just too frazzled last year to notice any humor, or if my former students were simply less interesting. But I find myself laughing (or trying not to, depending on the situation) a lot more this year. Here’s a few more classroom stories if you’d like to read on…

I noticed a student rapping the Pledge of Allegiance while the rest of the class was reciting it. Complete with hand gestures, pounding his chest, and giving props to the flag. If it helps to have a mental picture, he’s a chubby little Hispanic boy who I believe had the sincerest intentions.

During Community Time, one boy was telling an elaborate story of a church event that took place at the Marietta Diner. He went into great detail about the food that was served, how many people from his church showed up, and how long the table was. He even made a point about how the waiter was surprised to see so many people. (”He saw our table and he was like, ‘Whoa!’ “) He’s a natural entertainer, and the kids were completely into it. When it was time for other students to ask questions, one boy raised his hand. I was thrilled because he’s extremely shy and kinda anti-social. Thus began the following conversation.
“What color was the man?”
Long pause. You could see the wheels turning in the story teller’s head. He gave up.
“Excuse me?”
“What color was the man?”
“Uh….you mean the waiter?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Um……” (At this point, I thought maybe I should intervene, but I’m ashamed to say, I was curious about the answer.)
“Well, he had a gray shirt with a picture of a red truck, a red hat, dark hair, kinda tan skin….”
Close one.

I decided to be ambitious and looked for a class set of a chapter book to read with one of my reading groups. Most of them hadn’t read a chapter book yet and I knew they’d be excited. I flipped through the first couple of chapters of Stone Fox. It seemed like a good choice. For days, the students read through the chapters. We were doing all sorts of activities with this story. Character analysis, motivation, author’s purpose, the works. It was quite the investment of time and energy.
The last day, we were short on time, so I decided to read the last chapter aloud so we’d have time to finish the book.
I don’t know how familiar you are with the book Stone Fox. It’s about Little Willy and his dog Searchligh who entered a race to save Grandfather’s farm with the prize money. Classic plot. The first eight chapters had been very sweet and uplifting.
So I’m reading through the final chapter. Little Willy and Searchlight are nearing the end of the race. The competitor is right behind and gaining. I’m trying to build the anticipation by practically yelling as I read,
” ‘ Go, Searchlight, go!’ Little Willy yelled. Searchlight went faster and faster, and then, ten feet away from the finish line, her heart burst…… She died instantly. There was no….suffering.”
Always, always read the ending of a story before you share it with 7 year olds.*

Julie came up to me and in one whispered breath said, “Mrs.Teague,mymomsaidthatifmybottomhurts,cuzsometimes
iforgetowipe,thatishouldcallhersoshecantakemetothedoctor.”
That was one of those times I knew I could NOT laugh.

I thought the kids were finally over the King the Fish obsession. I was cleaning his bowl while they were at art. When I refilled it, the water seemed really cold, so I left him in a little cup on my desk, assuming the kids wouldn’t notice. We only had about 20 minutes until dismissal.
The “line leader” came in the room, immediately came back to me and asked, “Where’s King?”

The kids have this weird, weird thing about touching my shoes whenever they’re sitting on the carpet. And not just one weird kid or two. It’s half the class. I never thought I would stop a lesson to whisper, “Please stop touching my shoe.” Then a moment later in a firmer whisper, “Sweetie, STOP touching my shoe.”

On the way back from a field trip, I had to fill out a form evaluating the bus driver and her performance. My seat partner was watching me as I filled it out. When I got to the comments section she asked, “what’s that mean?”
“It’s where I can say nice things about a bus driver.”
Pause.
“How about ’she’s very pretty.’ “

During a lesson on symmetry, I drew a heart and split it across with a horizontal line. The goal was to show how if I erased the top half of the heart and drew its mirrored image on the other side of the line, it wasn’t the same shape as the pointed bottom half. (Thus disqualifying as a symmetrical line.)
The outcome is that I accidentally drew what looked like part of the female anatomy and had to erase it quickly as the new student started giggling.

*We felt so bad about Searchlight’s COMPLETELY unanticipated death that we wrote chapters of our own where she miraculously comes back to life.