Here’s possibly the first of a random compilation of some of the most humorous (and/or pitifully heartbreaking) moments yet to be experienced this year.
Here we go…..

A couple of weeks ago we were practicing our Test Behavior. The IOWA test was coming up (remember that?!?) and I was determined to get those kids trained to NOT TALK during the test. So during one of our last practices before the real thing, I was helping a student when I heard a quiet “Uh, Mrs. Teague?” to which I whirled around and gave this student The Look. Which was followed by, “Honey, if that happens again, you know you’ll have to pull a card, right?” “Yes, Ma’am.” “Okay, then. Raise your hand and I’ll call on you in a minute.” Two minutes later, I turned around to address the said student’s question and realized she was holding a handful of her own noseblood.
How none of it got on her spiritwear t-shirt is beyond my comprehension.

We were working on thank you notes to our local police station for Public Safety Week. Then this conversation happened.
Student: “Mrs. Teague, my dad’s been in jail before.”
Me (smoothly nonchalant) : “oh?”
Student: “Yeah, my mom called the police. They had a fight….they’re not married anymore.”*
(This story doesn’t sound funny at all, but you have to understand that the child said it completely matter of factly and as if this happens all the time. I was also acting like this happens all the time. The other kids who overheard had their jaws on the ground, but myself and this kid, we were cool, man.)

A student walked over to my table to show me a Presidential Biography book.
“Mrs. Teague, I know who this book is about.”
“Who?”
“George Washington.”
“You’re right.”
“I miss him…he was a good President.”

I was grading a piece of writing which included a family trip to Goody’s, where her father “bought a white beeder.”

The new girl came to school with a note from her mom, who was concerned that another student was “making fun of her.”
I brought that student up to the Teacher’s Desk, and she very calmly explained to me that she hadn’t meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. I told her to turn to the new student and say exactly to her what she told me. The student immediately broke down crying. Guilt? Shame? I’ll never really know.
This is about the third time I’ve made a student cry this year. Another incident included a student who swears he was NOT the one throwing his sandwhich on the ground in the cafeteria. (Despite eyewitness accounts.)
The third time was when a student scribbled all over her paper with a highlighter and I asked her not to do that again.

There’s one student in my class who will raise his hand everyday and wait for five minutes during breakfast time until I call on him. And everyday all he wants to tell me is, “I don’t want my milk.” Every. Day. I tell him to go ahead and throw it away and he doesn’t have to check. Doesn’t matter. It happens everyday.

I also want to take this opportunity to mention that I have one of the lowest of the Low Talkers ever known to mankind in my class this year. Not only that, she also wants to answer every question. Most class discussions end up like this.
Me “What do you think?” (or some other teacher question)
Low Talker raises her hand. I make a mental sigh, prepare and call on her.
Low Talker whispers inaudibly.
Me: “What?”
Whisper repeats but does not increase in volume.
Me: “I’m sorry hon, I canNOT hear you.”
More whispers, still much too quiet to understand.
Me:”Uh, okay, say it one more time for me?”

At this point, one of two things happen. The kids around her interrupt our little game out of exasperation and tell me what she said OR, I yell at her “SAY IT REALLY LOUD….REALLY LOUD….LOUDER THAN THAT…oh, yes you can use the restroom.”
It’s gotten so bad I’m making a point to bring it up at conferences tomorrow.

I will say this the second year has been MUCH, MUCH, calmer and generally more productive than last. Praise God!! I DO like this job!