It all started because I need to have my fingerprints on record with the Marietta Police. I tried to go yesterday and was informed the lady who does fingerprints was out sick. I was told to call today to find out if she was back in. I really need them done today because I’m supposed to have them for a meeting this afternoon. So I got up this morning, called the department, and was told that yes, she was in and yes, I could come in to get the prints done.
So I drove up to Marietta, walked into the Police Department for the second time in two days, waited in line… only to find out that the machine had *just* broken down and would possibly be back up this afternoon.
Now I had some time to kill before the meeting. (That I will be attending without the fingerprints.)

I decided the most helpful thing I could do would be to go to Home Depot to purchase paint for the new bedroom. I always feel a little extra girly when I walk into a Home Depot. It just isn’t my domain. School Box, sure. Barnes and Noble, of course, they sell Starbucks. Home Depot, not so much.
But at least I knew exactly what I wanted, so it should be a fairly non-humiliating trip. I went to the Paint section, found the paint sample that Josh and I liked, and waited to be helped. Along came Male Employee 1.
ME1: “Can I help you?”
Somehow, I get nervous, but try to cover it up with pseudo confidence. “Yes, I wanted to get a gallon of this color. I was told I should get latex paint- does this already come as a latex?” (Not bad, right? I used paint jargon.)
ME1: “You can ask for it to be made into a latex paint.”
Lauren: “Okay, great, I’ll get that.”

We walk to the counter and meet Male Employee 2.
ME2: “Yes?”
ME1: “She needs a gallon of this in a latex.”
ME2:” What kind of sheen?”
Lauren :”Oh, uh…..um…..hmm.” Drat. “What do people normally get for a bedroom?”
ME2: “Well, how much activity does it get?”

Lauren: ” _______ ”
I don’t think a complete thought formed in my brain for the next two seconds. I only had fragments of thought like “harassment” and “must be joke” and “can’t believe” and “don’t answer.” I actually think my mouth dropped open a little and stayed that way until FINALLY-

ME2: “Is it a kid’s bedroom?”

Oh, thank goodness.
Lauren :”NO! No, I do know that it is not.”

I was then told I could ‘get away’ with a matte or eggshell. I chose eggshell and just stood there avoiding eye contact as he mixed the paint. It seemed so obvious to me what had just happened, but the Males didn’t seem to notice. Unfortunately, I never really recovered my composure until I walked out of the store entirely.

And that, Josh, is the reason why you or another person of your choice will ALWAYS accompany me when I go to Home Depot.